THE OTHER

 

 

Ok, so we are all French now but no Syrians allowed in our State.   Gosh, it’s hard following the trends today.  I’ve given up.  I did not change my profile picture the French flag and I did not beg everyone to pray for Paris.  I did add the “Refugees Welcome” profile app. though because I am ashamed to live in a state where the Governor thinks it’s cool to issue an illegal proclamation to ban Syrian refugees from our borders.  He did say if he knew for certain they were Christians it would be different   He probably prayed for France in his church on Sunday.  I’m so impressed.

Does the internet make it easier to hate?  It certainly seems more rampant than ever.  I feel like I grew up in a bubble, but Brooklyn, New York seems an unlikely place for a bubble.  Especially a low income housing project.  I did experience hate and racism more than once, however.  Strangely, it was from my dark-skinned neighbors, black and Puerto Rican.  We became a tiny minority as our white neighbors improved their socioeconomic standing and moved to the better neighborhoods.  We moved too, but it took us longer and we never made it to Long Island, only to a co-op apartment on the Lower East Side.  But I digress.

I was set upon by other children who immediately recognized in me someone they could intimidate.  Black children who I thought were my friends began to shut me out.  An Italian mother in my neighborhood accused me of calling her son a “wop” or a “guinea”, I forget which, because I had never heard either term before.  We didn’t call people names in my home.  I was once attacked by girls on a street in my neighborhood; they tried to steal my purse, I didn’t let them so they stuck me (in my rear end) with an icepick.  So, yes, there was hate in my bubble.  I just don’t understand why I didn’t catch it. 

After college, I worked in a low income housing project.  Most of my co-workers were black; I had a lot of fun with them and they seemed to like me pretty much.  It was scary walking around the apartments though; then, as now, “the projects” were centers of drug dealing and using.  When I worked in an agency that helped blind children, I had to make home visits; there were many times I didn’t feel safe.  Still, I don’t remember ever feeling that hate I see so much of today.

The rational for excluding the refugees is that terrorists might sneak in with them.  I guess Nazis could have snuck in with the Jews or Communists snuck in with the Hungarians and Cubans who were refugees here over the years.  I never heard that mentioned, though.  One argument I got on Facebook was that when our ancestors (Eastern European Jews) came over escaping the Tsar’s regime and other virulent anti-Semitism, our country was different.  There was more room for refugees.  The poster seemed to miss what things were like back them; crowded cities, teeming tenements, children working in factories, etc.  Then, as now, refugees who can make it out with some cash assets can survive much better than dirt poor farmers and laborers with nothing but the clothes on their backs.

It’s easy to hate and reject whoever is lower than you on the socioeconomic scale.  Middle class whites can hate blacks who can hate Mexicans and now, Syrians.  Jews used to have horns and drink the blood of Christian babies; Muslims all follow the dictate of killing everyone who is not a Muslim.  I grew up in a much simpler time; there were only Irish and Italian Catholics to mistrust from my group, the Jews.  At least until the black Southerners and Puerto Ricans began arriving en masse.

It’s nothing new of course.  It gets so tiring to keep putting forth the same common sense, reality-based arguments that the haters will never even listen to.  Shortly after I came to Waycross there was a program sponsoring Vietnamese refugees active in Waycross.  The issue was not that they were dangerous, but that they were stealing jobs from the local citizens.  The Editor of the local newspaper, now actively arguing against Syrians was actively arguing against the Vietnamese.  There will always be “The Other”.  I guess we forget that there was a time when “The Other” was us.

Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid!

Guns, church, Christmas, Islam, Confederate flags, Mexican immigrants, Louis Farrakhan, Westboro Church, same sex marriage, Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz and Adolf Hitler.  What do all these names, things, people have in common?  Easy—all are involved with messages of hate.

Hate is an overwhelming presence in our country today.  Those of us who are acutely aware of this are frequently depressed and angry.  Unfortunately, it seems that the majority of Americans choose to compartmentalize each issue and see virtue in each one separately.  I submit the following as documentation:

1.        Guns are not the problem; arming oneself is the answer.  Ben Carson has suggested that the Jews would have defeated Hitler if they were armed.

2.       Going to church will solve most problems—especially if you carry guns with you.  Westboro Church is a special case; they praise God and Jesus by picketing funerals.

3.       Islam:  An evil belief system, practiced by entire countries who seek to eradicate every Christian on the planet.  An exception however is

4.       Louis Farrakhan, representing the Nation of Islam (quite separate and apart from everyone else’s Islam) who sees both white people and especially Jewish white people, as the mortal enemy of black people.

5.       Christmas:  let the wars begin!  The enemy is every checkout clerk and bagboy who wishes you a “Happy Holidays!”

6.       Confederate flags:  These flags are about Heritage, not hate!  Unless of course the KKK symbol is in the middle and it is carried by a screaming racist.

7.       Mexican immigrants are all suspect, even if they are here legally.  We can assume they want your job, they are lazy, criminal and probably unsanitary.

8.       Same sex marriage threatens the institution of marriage and is against the will of God.  Whenever two men or two women marry, a heterosexual couple is obligated to get a divorce (possibly numerous times) of have multiple affairs, and children, while married.  Clearly there Is a correlation between the increase in homosexual relationships and the deterioration of heterosexual relationships.

9.       I think if you concurrently listen to recordings of Trump, Carson, Cruz and Hitler (translated of course) you would get the message.

Yes, it’s depressing.  So, we can sit around and get depressed and see what happens next.   Wait until the hate mongers take to the streets (oh, I forgot, they are already doing that) and begin committing random acts of violence against the groups they hate and anyone else who gets in their way (oh, darn, they’re already doing that also).  Wait until one of them legally achieves a position of power (for example, President of the United States of America).  Obviously that’s not likely to happen for a long time—not until 2016.

Murphy's Blog

Friday

 

How long will I be in this hell?  Why don’t they listen to me?  I thought I was saved when the man came and took me from the horrible smelly torture chamber and we rode off into the world.  But as soon as we came home, blessed home, he put me back into a new jail cell.  What are my crimes?  When do I get a fair trial?  What did I do to deserve this pain and confinement?

 

Saturday

 

I’m trying to figure it out.  The others and I were having a great time; the people didn’t know we were able to escape their puny yard and explore to our hearts content.  I did not see when the others left (the black one and the spotted one) but suddenly I was alone.  I heard it and never really saw it, but I felt it.  Searing pain, I couldn’t get away and something had a death grip on me.  I screamed and fought and somehow broke away.  It took every ounce of breath I had to get back inside and get up on the human’s bed, which is where I was when the woman found me.  That’s when they took me to the horrible smelly torture chamber.  Strange smelling humans talked in soft voices while they performed unspeakable things to all the places of pain.

 

Sunday

 

They tease me by going outside but never letting me go.  They do feed me, but always put me back in the cage.  Did I mention the torture device they force me to constantly wear?  I should be licking all the places of pain and deliciously biting the places that itch, but this huge…..thing……keeps me from relieving the constant pain and itching.  There aren’t enough words in my language to describe this.  I fear I shall go mad.

 

Monday

 

After they finish their teasing outing and feeding, I am back in the cage.  Then they leave.  The others of my kind are here, but they can either do nothing or are too afraid to go up against the humans.  I do not know if they will ever return or if I will just die in this hell.  The others do not know or will not tell.  I ask you for salvation!  Do not abandon me for all eternity!

 

To be continued.

The Diary of Anne Frank--Book Closed

                                                                  

Another show has ended.  Exhausted, hot, still the cleaning up and out to do and Purlie Productions will move forward.  I’m glad the work is over but there is always the letdown and the questioning.  Did it work?  What did people really think?  And most importantly, was the message delivered?

I know there are people in our community who would never really receive the message; they are probably not the ones in our audience.  I learned there was one gentleman whose Christian sensibilities were outraged by the G-D phrase uttered by an angry character in the play; obviously he was the one that didn’t get it.  I know the play was a great experience for the cast, most of whom had not tackled this type of performance before.

Was it worth it?  Financially, it’s doubtful—although at least we didn’t lose money!  Emotionally, physically?  That, of course, is an individual decision.  Every play has its moments of irritability, impatience, and embarrassment (the dropped lines, the lost cat, the mistaken appearance of the cat, the empty cognac bottle……) but it really doesn’t matter in the end.  We will learn from our past mistakes—and make new ones in the future. 

Tonight I feel like I will never again have the energy to tackle a production and continue to question the effort it takes.  However, in all likelihood I will do it again.  I truly believe that change is possible like the eating the elephant joke, one bite at a time. 

The Thank Yous are numerous:  Our Board:  Judy and Lionel Bryan, Mary Lewis, Jimmie Burke, Lamar Deal and Blake Kildow (also our Director); Our Cast:  Tom Strait, Emily Beck, Chris Jeffords, Amara Grace Jeffords, Kenny O’Bara, Joey Timmons, Kim Beck, Julianna Lacefield and Lamar Deal; Our Crews:  Kaytie Jeffords, Sara Setzer, Jerilyn Sweat, Aaron Carver.  Our creative expert/seamstress/prop master Teresa Beck.  Of course, a big thank you to the Okefenokee Heritage Center and Director Sam Ganas for allowing us to live there for the past 6 weeks.

There’s a wide gap between “Wow, this is truly enormous accomplishment!” and “Why do we even bother?” Hopefully I’ll settle down somewhere in the positive middle range.  Feel free to tell us our blood, sweat and tears are worth it!

 

NAZIS AMONG US or Anne Frank Lives!

I know it’s because we are in the middle of rehearsing for “The Diary of Anne Frank” that I probably have a heightened sense of paranoia, but I’m convinced that the threat of extreme right wing power is alive and well within our borders.  Even within the borders of Waresboro, Georgia where I live in what looks like pastoral peace. 

There has always been a Confederate flag or two, and the incident of our Obama campaign sign being defaced, but today we almost felt like the invasion had started.  As we returned from grocery shopping and prepared to turn into our driveway, we had to wait while a convoy of vehicles passed in front of us.  There were at least 6 or 7 vehicles, each one festooned with numerous confederate flags and white power symbols.  Our road dead ends and I really don’t know our neighbors—obviously.  I’m guessing they don’t want to know us either.  There was obviously some sort of event at the end of the road—some scary, large, white power event.  Are we in danger?

As I said, I may be just a little paranoid.  I randomly turned to a TV channel while I was ironing this afternoon and watched a show on the History Channel called “Aliens Among Us”.  This particular episode was regarding scientific experiments by Nazis at the tail end of the war trying to develop weapons of mass destruction—and develop time travel.  Suddenly it hit me how not so far away and distant the threat of Nazi-like power is.

Whenever I express thoughts like these, people are inclined to think I’m being ridiculous, exaggerating, and of course, the ever popular “it could never happen here”.  But when you begin to live the life of the Frank family, hiding in fear in an attic, it seems different.  Mrs. Frank, the role I am playing, is very much like me.  Worrying unnecessarily perhaps, fearful for the well-being of her family, dealing with the everyday chores and annoyances of life.  With the exception of Mr. Frank, every Jewish person in this play died in a concentration camp, shortly before the camps were liberated.  Excuse me if I tend to take that personally.

I know Confederate flags have been removed from positions of prominence in our country; I know discrimination is illegal.   But believe me my friends, the Confederacy is alive and well in Waresboro, Georgia.  We have numerous elected representatives whose views are at odds with our country’s advances and ideals.  There are many more waiting in the wings to have their chance at instituting laws and policies that enforce discrimination against genders that aren’t traditional male or female, immigrants, and other races and ethnicities.  We have law enforcement officers scattered throughout the country who are pre-emptively taking action against the dark faces they feel are threatening them, precipitating out of control violence in the streets.  It’s time to re-visit the history of pre-war Germany and track the rise of Adolf Hitler and the Nazi party.

There are those who say the Holocaust never happened; there are those who say Anne Frank’s story in her diary is fictitious.   I’d suggest that those of you who do know the truth and fear our potential future get busy and realize the importance of using the rights we still have.  In other words, not only use your vote but try to convince others to do the same!

"....it's still the law of the land, and I intend to obey it!" Charlie Cotchipee, "Purlie Victorious" by Ossie Davis

 

Bill Cosby, Donald Trump, lion-killing dentists, a letter from our Congressional Rep. Buddy Carter explaining why the Supreme Court has abused their power—are there enough things to be enraged about today?  I’m not sure I have the energy. 

I think it’s clear that the majority of people, at least those who still have a few functional brain cells, think those mentioned are at least not quite getting it.  To bring back a really old and horrible metaphor, the lunatics are running the asylum.  Certainly that would be the case if Trump got elected to any it political office ever.  Bill Cosby seems to be finally out of excuses and as for his wife, as we say in the South, “Bless her”!  I can’t even read about the Great White Hunter, literally makes me so ill I push it away.  No way ever to justify killing beautiful animals for no reason on earth whatsoever. 

Our elected representative to Congress is another matter.  Obviously, I did not vote for him.  While I was tickled to see Jack Kingston disappear, I’m afraid his replacement is not much of an improvement.  In his letter today he proved himself worthy of the name Republican.  In his letter I received today he actually said, and I quote “…I worry that people with the same belief as me, that marriage is between one man and one woman, will be targets for discrimination”.  He goes on to let me know that he and “129 other Bipartisan House Members” are co-sponsoring H.R. 2802, the “First Amendment Defense Act”.  This will prevent the Federal government from “discriminating against any individual or group based on their beliefs in the conventional and biblical definition of marriage”. 

Yes, you read that right.  An act to defend the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States of America.  To refresh our collective memories, this is the First Amendment:  “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.”  Pretty unambiguous to me.  I think it was, as the rest of the document, designed to be pretty broad and all-encompassing.  Sounds to me like it pretty much covers anyone believing anything at any time which I think just might include those set-upon traditionally married folks. 

I suppose I will answer my Congressman who also tells me what an honor it is to serve the First District of Georgia.  I suppose I should be glad he’s not Donald Trump.  Or Bill Cosby.  Or a lion-killing dentist.  On the other hand, he’s a member of Congress who doesn’t respect the Supreme Court of the United States of America.

Trash the Trump

                                                     
            

Our country has an unfortunate tendency to glorify criminals and crazy evil people.  The worst the crime, the more publicity.  The worst of the criminals disappear from the public eye when they die but others seem to pop up time and time again as long as they live (i.e., O.J. Simpson, Charles Manson).  They seem to generate as much interest as the Karhashian of your choice.   Then we have the weirdos who generate inordinate amounts of publicity by virtue of their weirdness, such as Caitlyn Jenner and Donald Trump. 

It really only concerns me when that individual potentially has some power.  We, the voting and Facebook reading public, feed this power every time we read, re-post or respond to a post.  Trump should remain a bad joke and nothing more.  Why can’t we realize that WE are the root of these looney tunes having whatever power they possess?  Think about it. 

Why comment and repeat every idiot racist thing Trump, Cruz, Huckabee and the entire car full of Republican clowns utters?  There are plenty of intelligent folks out there that we could be reading and quoting.  As I heard on NPR, Trump is the flavor of the month.  I prefer the flavors of Baskin-Robbins to the Republican version.  Take note that Democrats don’t afford the public the opportunity to bash people so regularly.  That is worth repeating.  Hillary and Bernie just aren’t that funny.  I for one am thankful for that.

Actually it’s not that funny when you think about it.  Accusing an entire category of people as being murdering rapist criminals is not really amusing.  Accusing our President of being a racist terrorist doesn’t produce a chuckle.  Yes, it’s ridiculous to think our President is planning a military takeover of Texas—but funny?  Not so much.

If we are going to respond to the political clowns it needs to be with serious discourse with people who are capable of understanding.  Let’s begin by taking ourselves seriously (and by ourselves I mean people who are grounded in reality) and proceeding with the confidence that we are the one to maintain the leadership of our nation.

I am hereby starting a movement to remove Donald Trump from our Facebook pages.  Will you join?
(and yes, I'm aware that by writing this I violated my own movement, but this is the last and with the ugliest caricature I could find!)

Me and the Supremes

                                                   

 I do try, when I sit down to write, to ask myself if I will say something that hasn’t been said a thousand times before either by me or someone who has said it better than me.  So let’s go with the new information transmitted by Facebook this week.

It’s been an exciting week for Facebook, with two ground-breaking decisions by the Supreme Court and the proposed removal of the Confederate flag following the horrific massacre in Charleston, SC. 

Fortunately, everyone agrees that the massacre was horrific.  Less agreement about the Confederate symbolism.  The new information on this topic is the growing belief in certain circles that the way to deal with shootings of black people by white people is to arm the black people (to keep the body count equal, I assume).

There is even less agreement with the Supreme Court decisions.  I learned nothing new about the health care decision and am just glad it is still with us.  The other historic decision, of course, is about marriage.

I am also gleeful about that decision and mostly found support from my Facebook friends who are my Facebook friends because they do understand what is right and just (I can say that, it’s my blog).  There has been a lot of Bible quoting and referencing, some more accurate than others.  I have heard that homosexuality is an abomination, it is the worst sin there is, but also that in the Old Testament it’s not that bad overall.  The Old Testament offers that the worst sin is lack of charity.  I tend to agree with that one as much as I agree with anything biblical.  I even did my own research and noted that there is a homosexual reference in Leviticus, but most of the other citing are from the New Testament. There is a lot of posting to the tune of “Love the sinner, hate the sin”.  Some postings have been very eloquent and detailed even when arriving at the same conclusion.  Also one posting from a “used to be gay” guy who found the Lord and thereby stopped sinning. 

I try to be open to new ideas, I really do.  I can’t say that I read these things without bias—but I did so without prejudice.  I can say that because my opinion is informed, both by what I have read and what I have learned from my almost 70 years of life experience. I believe my length of living gives me the right to advise, counsel, guide and teach.  It does not give me the right to moralize.

I have known more than a few gay people over the years.  I can’t say I’ve loved them all, but I have loved some and got to know them.   To me and one Episcopal Priest I knew years ago, a sin is knowingly causing harm to another (person or animal).  Therefore, the other Christian/Biblical sins, greed, adultery, lying, cheating, murder, etc. meet that qualification.  Homosexuality does not.  A homosexual can certainly be guilty of all those other sins, but not because of his sexuality.  No one has ever informed me in a logical manner how two men having sex causes harm to another human being. 

Molesting children is a sin; being gay does not make one a child molester.  Cheating on your spouse is a sin for heterosexual and homosexual individuals.  Being homosexual isn’t a sin just because you are heterosexual.  The gay people I know have known are kind, caring, funny and creative.  Not a child molester in the bunch.  Some have been guilty of adultery by living a lie in a marriage before becoming who they are.  The door is still open to someone explaining to me (NOT by quoting the Bible) how I am misguided.  I’m sure I’ve mentioned before that I am not now nor have I ever been a Christian.

I still would be interested in the story of the “used to be gay” guy and exactly how that works.  Is he automatically aroused by women now?  Does he avoid sex entirely?  Does he just close his eyes and use his imagination when he has sex with a woman?  Seriously, I would read  be rational discourse on the subject. 

In the meantime, I cannot agree to disagree or love the sinner but not the sin.  If you love someone because they are who they are then that love includes them being lesbian, bi-sexual, gay or transgendered.* 

 

*Transgender is whole ‘nother topic for a whole ‘nother day.

If You Can't Beat 'Em, Shoot 'Em

I supposed it’s possible I’m the most naïve white girl south of the Mason-Dixon line or maybe just someone who has never quite believed that there aren’t monsters in the closet, but…..  Is it just me that thinks violence and hatred in our country has gotten a little out of hand?  Sure, everyone is talking about the latest mass shooting or racially charged police violence and the memes are populating faster than bunny rabbits in heat, but…..  Guns are legal everywhere for everyone at any time.  The best answer so far is…..get rid of the Confederate flag!  Everyone is jumping on that bandwagon!

At least until now.  At least in Waycross, Georgia.  Where a local African-American minister is starting a movement to solve the problem by urging his flock—and all the sisters and brothers—to arm themselves.  Yes, if everyone at church is packing then they will be ready for the next racist mass murderer that sits among them.  Again, maybe it’s me, being an alarmist or just not seeing the whole picture.

Unfortunately I see lots of pictures in my mind and they all involve blood, senseless death and a new generation of memes.  There are many people, symbols, and groups still left to blame.  Fox News remains available, the KKK is still alive and kicking and even without the Confederate flag, and no one can stop the good old boys from plastering bumper stickers on their pickup trucks. 

I have problems with the idea that the way to stop senseless violence is for everyone to be armed.  I can’t say I have the ultimate solution, but continuing to fight for less guns and more control seems like the only rational option.  This is not a popular philosophy in Georgia right now or in most Southern states, but popularity has never been my strong suit.  If all I can do is express my opinions and join with like-minded people, than that’s what I’ll continue to do.  Being a Democrat is not very popular in this part of the world either—but I’m not going to change that belief either. 

A world that requires everyone to be armed to survive sounds like either the old west, a third world dictatorship, or the zombie apocalypse.  It doesn’t sound like home.  We should remember that Martin Luther King Jr. changed our country and inspired us with a message of peace.  We should be ashamed of how far we have slipped and how far we are from achieving his goals; but we should never forget the message.

 

Random Musings on a Short Vacay

(I don't know if "vacay" is really a word--I've heard it used, so it makes sense for a short vacation)

 

1.        AAgghhrraak!  A sound I make when my husband seems to be driving off the road or is inches away from another vehicle.  When I make that sound he says “Don’t make that sound!  Nothing is wrong, we are perfectly safe”!  Did I say inches from another car?

2.       Movie audiences in Tampa are different from those in Waycross.  Or at least at the one I were at; no cell phones used, no screaming babies, and the audience applauded!  They applauded an animated movie!

3.       Everyone, with one exception, was nice and polite.  The one exception, however, was glaring.  A young woman (and I use the term loosely—based on what she was wearing she was obviously female) wearing shorts that were at least 3 sizes too small to cover any appreciable portion of her anatomy was walking with a friend and a small child.  The three of them completely blocked that path of traffic in the mall parking lot.  Then they stood still while “shorts girl” proceeded to style her friend’s hair.  Lamar waited patiently for a little while then tried to go around them.  At which point “shorts girl” accused Lamar of attempted murder.  I had to respond to that by reminding her she was blocking the road; her answer was to call me a cheap c—-t.  I was proud of that.

4.       A very nice young woman waiting with her daughter at the movies began a conversation telling us how impressed she was to see old people at an animated feature (she didn’t actually say “old people” but it was implied).  We had a lovely conversation while we waited and she suggested places for us to visit.

5.       I can easily amuse myself counting how many biscuits a person can consume at Cracker Barrel.    Cracker Barrel gets boring after the 2^nd visit in 3 days.

6.       After visiting the Dali museum in St. Petersburg: 1) Great artists can only become great when they know some very rich people; 2) Very rich people instantly become respected art critics.

7.       I’m sure everyone else already knows this, but new information for me:  Ybor City is the go-to place for tattoos and smoking apparatus. 

8.       Two recommendations:  1) the Dali Museum is a great experience; and 2) The Columbia Restaurant in Tampa is worth the trip.  If you go, ask for Damon, he’s a great waiter!

TransHuman

Sometimes I question whether I have a right to even discuss racial issues; after all, I am obviously Caucasian.  What do I know about racial prejudice?  I do know about being Jewish, Yankee, female, being of a lower socioeconomic status and having unpopular political beliefs (at varying times and places).  But I don’t know how it feels to be Black, Latino or Asian.  But wait—apparently that doesn’t matter anymore!  In fact, you now you can choose your sex and your race.  No matter how you came into this world biologically, you can make decisions at any point in your life to become something different. 

Transgender people use medication and surgery to make the change;  changing your race requires liberal use of tanning lotions and doing strange things to your hair.  This is all well and good, I suppose, and basically none of my concern.  If I have no relationship to a person who does these things I certainly agree.  I respect an individual’s right to live as they choose and will call them whatever they choose to be called.

However, I can have an opinion.  I can speculate how I would feel if my mother, father, son, daughter, sister, brother, employer, co-worker, et al would make those changes.  I once had a co-worker whose brother-in-law had previously been her husband’s sister.  From what she said, this fact was known by everyone in the family—except the man’s wife and children.  The children, of course, were adopted; the story was that he had some kind of injury to his reproductive system.  In addition, he had changed his surname and religion (although I don’t know what that had to do with his gender).  I couldn’t help but wonder about the awkwardness of family gatherings.  I guess they didn’t share old photo albums.  Also had to wonder about what happens when his children do find out the truth—because you know they will someday.

I can see that you can deal when you know it’s happening; it’s a logical progression.  When someone in your family is uncomfortable in their skin and talks about it, it’s not a shock when they actually make the change.  However, that is a far different issue than the current media hurricane surrounding Rachael Dolezal.  The general summary is that her parents “outed” her and depending on your viewpoint this is either a natural occurrence or a travesty infringing on her rights. 

Just thinking logically here, how would I feel if a child of mine acted to the world as if they were not biologically connected to me?  If said child had actually been adopted and was biologically of a different race, I can see no problem with identifying as one race or the other.  Dark skinned children of mixed parentage do tend to identify with the darker race.  Society identifies them with the darker race.  But a fair-skinned, blond, freckled biological child deciding in mid-life to identify as another race and completely deny their actual heritage?  Yeah, I’d have a problem with that.  There is speculation that her family was dysfunctional and that is why she disconnected from them.  Only she knows—and she ain’t saying.

Honestly, the thing I have the most trouble with, really, is dishonesty.  Dishonesty to your family, your peers, the world at large is not admirable not matter how wonderful the actions that follow.  Culturally we seem to be sending mixed messages these days.  Dishonest politicians—bad.  Dishonest bankers and businessman—bad.  Liberals believe that being proud of your race is good—if you’re Black, Hispanic, Asian or Native American.   The Tea Party faction believes it is ok to be proud of being white.  So, is it bad to be liberal and proud to be white?  Can you see why I’m confused?  Is it not okay to fight for the rights of all people even if you don’t look like them?  Can you not be comfortable with a group of people that look different from you and still be proud of who you are?

I am proud of my eastern European heritage but I count African-American people among my friends.  I am comfortable in groups of people that accept me and respect me for who I am.  If I have to pretend to be someone else or look like someone else to feel that level of comfort, then it’s all a sham.

So—why does Caitlyn Jenner have to be a sexy cover girl to be okay as a woman—and why does Rachael Dolezal have to be black to be an advocate for black people?  Anyone have any good answers to those questions?  I shudder to think what will happen when we have A.I.* beings to deal with.

*Artificial Intelligent

Totally Un-Correct

 

 

There’s a few things that that I know are considered “politically correct” yet leave me with a feeling of unease.  I may be on the totally wrong track, so I hope my readers will help me reason it out.

1.        It’s prom season everywhere.  The recent trend is for groups who may be usually left out of this rite of passage get their revenge by having their own proms.  Separate but equal?  There are black proms, white proms, and gay proms.  Today I read about a prom for the autistic students/siblings in a particular school.  The non-autistic students put it together and made it into an all-out project, taking the opportunity to organize pre-prom teaching sessions for learning all the social graces.  By all accounts, a good time was had by all.  So what’s the problem?  Does anyone else see a “separate but equal” trend for diversity? 

Imagine you are the autistic teen; your wish has been answered.  You are dressed up, there is music, dancing, and surrounded by the cool kids and the pretty girls.  And they are dancing with you!  Does this change anything?  Will those kids go on a date with you?  Invite you to their next party?  Hangout in the summer?  I’m guessing not.  I’m further guessing that high school will always be divided into groups and one glorious night is not going to change that.

 

2.       I somehow just became aware that parents and adults in general have taken ownership of the phrase “Good job!” to praise children for virtually everything they do.  At face value, this is good, right?  Positive parenting, fostering self-esteem, yada yada yada.  I’ve heard it used for putting up toys, eating one’s meal, pooping in the potty, walking—well, virtually everything.  I was probably made a neurotic mess by my parents, but I don’t remember getting praise for bodily functions or necessary chores.  I never doubted that they thought I was special, but I sometimes wonder about the ego inflation currently being pumped continually into the small children of today.  Will it be a shock when they enter the real world and learn that not everyone thinks everything they do is a “good job?” 

 

3.       Last, and probably least:  I am all about gender equality and it's high time anyone who wants to get married be allowed to do it legally.  Also, people should be allowed to decide what sex they want to be.  No argument from me.  I’m just asking for a little patience with old folks like me.  It still takes me a few minutes to get that a man can have a husband and a woman can have a wife.  Also, that you now have to address someone who has a penis as “she”.    Just one more sentence as a lead-in (e.g., Judy is married to a woman or Jane used to be a man called Jack).  Is that too much to ask?

 

Mother's Day

I know I’m not the only one whose heart aches on Mother’s Day; everyone had a mother and not everyone has one today.  I have just read all the Facebook posts about wonderful mothers who were the best role models, teachers and caregivers forever and ever.  It is especially easy to say these things posthumously.  That sounds so cold and cynical, doesn’t it? 

Not all mothers are that good.  Not all even were sure they wanted to be mothers and many would have given up the job if they could.  My mother definitely was not the mother in “Dick and Jane” (in fact, no one or nothing was like that in my world growing up).  Yes, I loved my mother and I never doubted her love for me.  But she wasn’t easy to get along with.

My mother had a temper.  She was loud and sometimes inappropriate.  She worked hard and suffered through some very hard times, with health and finances.  She also let you know when she was unhappy and didn’t hesitate to let us know what a martyr she was.  She was a student of the Jewish Mother Guilt School of parenting and it seemed to work pretty well.  I’d say it’s taken me 60+ years to recover from that education. 

I have a lot of regrets about things I did and didn’t do.  Mostly that I wasn’t there for her at the end.  I desperately needed to be away from New York City in my 20s and beyond.  I didn’t understand the price I would pay for that in years to come.  Realistically, nothing would have turned out differently if I stayed, but still, the thought causes my heart to hurt anytime I allow myself to think of it. 

Living in a rural area, most families native to this area stay together forever.  Even when it’s torturous, they keep the elderly in their homes and care for them.  On the one hand I can see what a loving thing it is to do; on the other hand, I know I could never do that and remain even slightly sane.  I don’t think that means I love less; I just have a different way of coping.

I am my mother’s daughter, both in appearance and temperament.  She had a temper, but she also loved fiercely as well.  Two sides of the same coin that easily and frequently flipped.  I spent years trying to please her but always seemed to fail.  Gifts were never the right thing; I hold on to a memory of her 50^th birthday when I decided to go all out and give her a surprise birthday party.  Amazingly, I pulled it off and when my mother entered, she just sat down and cried.  That was an exception.

The guys I dated were majorly imperfect in her eyes.  I honestly think I stopped dating I guy I really cared for because of her disapproval; her primary reason? He didn’t wear socks.  Ed was 6’5” with a huge beard and wild hair; he lived in a tiny apartment in the east Village and I thought he was way beyond cool.  I hunted him online recently and he said he never understood why I lost interest in him; and all this time I thought it was him losing interest in me.  You know what they say about hindsight.

My mother had some art skills that she never used.  She always said that when she retired she would take classes; when she retired she spent all of her time in doctor’s offices and hospitals.  She wanted to travel; she did a little.  Her long dreamed of trip to Russia did happen and I’m glad of that.  It was her parent’s homeland and in earlier years she had been quite a fan of the Soviet Union.  She was not disappointed.  The things she didn't do are a primary reason I do as much as I can now to feed and practice my passions.

Probably the last thing I ever did for her that she appreciated was bringing her a kosher corned beef sandwich to the nursing home in the Bronx.  Although frail and wasted by then, she was able to eat half of it with gusto. 

It’s now my turn to get sappy.  I learned so much from my mother.  At her funeral, my father said things he had never said during her life.   He said my mother never knew any strangers; she spoke to everyone with genuine caring and concern.   She believed everyone could do better.  One of my favorite stories is one she told me; I wasn’t there but I can see it as clearly as if I was.  On one of her regular trips to the local bakery, a man was begging on the street.  She brought him a Danish and coffee in the bakery and delivered it with a lecture.  She would not give him money to buy a bottle with, but she informed him of all the programs that were available to help him recover and get back on his feet.  Is it any wonder I have been a Social Worker my whole life?

I’m not sure I believe there is an afterlife; but my mother is the reason I hope there is.

Prosaic Polemics

 

 

The word on Facebook is “It’s starting again!”  Meaning the political carousel, see-saw, swing-set and tilt-a-whirl.  The carnival of wanna-bes, have-beens and never-weres.  With a few real people thrown in to keep us off guard.  The only REAL real people I’ve identified so far are Jeb Bush and Hillary Clinton.  Let the bashing begin.

I have come to expect an emergence of stupidity and hate-filled rhetoric and even with my Facebook posters filtered since the last election, more are emerging each day.  I will show restraint and choose my battles wisely.

My one major gripe, from the past two Presidential terms and ongoing, is Democrats bashing each other.  If you think your party’s candidate is a jerk, that’s fine, but keep the conversation quiet, between fellow Dems, not out there for all the world to see.  Let the tea-partiers, Republicans and right-wing factions go on their merry way saying outrageous things.  Let’s not only ACT like we get along, but really try to approach consensus. 

Example:  If you think Hillary’s only qualification is that she is a woman, keep that thought to yourself.  No one will be standing at gun point telling you to vote for her—we’re Democrats, we don’t do that!  We’re still ahead if women vote for her for that reason alone!  Women supported Sarah Palin for that reason only (and thank your lucky stars that it was primarily uneducated Republic women who did that!).  If Democratic women vote for Hillary for that reason, and it brings more women to the polls, so be it.  We will just have to deal with having a Democrat in the White House for another four years. 

And PLEASE, if you do plan to vote Republican for whatever ridiculous reason you come up with, I, for one, don’t want to hear that!  Do you really think Republican strategists don’t pay attention to what Democrats are saying to each other?  Have you noticed that they are like birds of prey, just waiting to swoop down and attack any weak Democratic animals they can spy?

I hope the Democratic leadership comes up with a choice of candidates for the Presidential primary; but more that, I hope to NOT see the kind of bickering and ugliness that the last Senate race produced (at least on Facebook) by Democrats.  It doesn’t make sense for the sharks to eat each other when the feeding frenzy begins.  I long for reasonable, civilized discussion with a reasonable effort towards proper grammar and spelling and the avoidance of obscenities, degrading references to parentage and superfluous lies about supposed criminal/sexual/lying/cheating behaviors.  If you don’t know the truth, research before you speak.

I know it’s naïve to expect anything to be different this time around, but us liberal birds must flock together and keep the hope of flying free!

This Side Up

 

When I visit friends and family in New York City, I am repeatedly asked “Why do you live in such a narrow-minded, racist, right-wing, etc. etc. place?”  I know all the reasons that I do live here, but New Yorkers (and I mean this is the most loving way) are frequently a bit arrogant and can I say, narrow-minded?  They believe they live in the most wonderful, exciting, fun-filled city in the world!  They can’t imagine living anywhere else because many of them have not lived anywhere else.  Even when they’re hit by snowstorms, hurricanes, subway and garbage strikes, they hold fast to that belief.  They’re definitely not interested in hearing the up side of living in South Georgia—and there is an upside.  While I detest the extreme heat and the insects, I like the lack of serious weather problems and the opportunity for low-cost country living.  I also like knowing a lot of people, even if I don’t love all of them (and vice-verse).

The past week, for me, has been proof of the good this community can be capable of.  First, after weeks of blood, sweat, tears, panic attacks and some r-rated language,  we completed the run of “Purlie Victorious” which was amazingly well attended and enjoyed by all.  This is a play about race and hate in all its southern glory and yet so many people seemed thrilled to watch it.  Granted, the audience was primarily black—but the cast was evenly divided, and there were a fair number of us white folks present as well.  In addition, I had wonderful support from many segments of the community, excellent publicity and it ended up in the black.

The second thing was not a positive by any means.  We unexpectedly lost the Director of the Okefenokee Heritage Center where the play was staged.  Steve Bean left us much too soon; I have no doubt he had a lot more to give.  Most people are aware that Steve was in a long-term relationship that is frequently frowned upon within our community, yet so many rallied around his partner with sincere love and sympathy.  Both were clearly loved and accepted by our community.  To me, it is more meaningful for people to show genuine love and caring rather than “political correctness”.

Really, I doubt that I could have experienced either of these happenings had I been living in New York City.  Like many I would travel from my home cocoon to my work cocoon and maybe a few other assorted places filled with random strangers.  Maybe I could have participated in some little piece of theater somewhere, and surely after a while I would have had a few friends.  I do doubt that I could have been the prime mover of a production like this one which succeeded against all odds and with a cast of largely inexperienced actors.  The set was built from scratch by some folks who had never done anything like this before either. 

I like the fact that I now have more connections than before and get to see a lot of the same people in different contexts.  I have connections to my pedicurist, my hairdresser, restaurant owners, newspaper people, city and county commissioners, lawyers and writers.  I frequently find myself channeling Sally Fields and saying “You like me, you really like me!”  I dare to think that some of them actually do!